escritoireazul | Entries tagged with me: health

Expand Cut Tags

No cut tags

I have not blogged about writing for Trick or Treat the way I do Yuletide, even though I thought I would. Part of it was a couple big unexpected family events, plus some traveling, had me away from the internet more than expected, but also, I have been struggling. I love my assigned fandom, and I really want to do a good job for this person, but this was my first experience with no letter and no real idea of what they do and do not like about the fandom. I did not expect to struggle this much in light of no letter. I had a billion ideas when I offered these fandoms in my sign-up! What happened, brain? Please do not do this with Yuletide. Please.

I have managed two stories so far, my assignment and a treat, and am working on a second treat. Of those three stories, there are two fandoms, one new and one old (i.e., one I've never written in before, and one I have). I like both the completed stories, and I like the third story that is in progress. I just -- I probably should not have done Trick or Treat. This is my favorite time of year, and Halloween is my favorite holiday, and this fic exchange sounded pretty much Made For Me, but I am in such a bad place mentally right now in general, and this time of year is filled with all the sadness of dead family members, and I should probably have taken that into account more than I did. (It's been three years since Mom died! But one of the unexpected events was another death in the family, and a burial in the same cemetery, and therefore I saw her grave for the first time since we buried her. That was so much harder than I ever expected.)

But still! Trick or Treat. I am excited to read all sorts of tricks and treats, and I hope there are Halloween-themed stories, and I really like what I've written and what I am writing now. Yay.

( All 10 Days )

Day 10 - One person you can trust.

Not answering with a human person, because any answer feels like ranking, and there are a good number of people I trust with my worst bipolar moments (which, to be honest, Carla 10 or 20 years ago would never have imagined, so that's pretty awesome), and even more I trust to be honest even if I don't share all the broken bits with them, and good grief, my life is full of people for someone who pretty much hates people. But I don't like ranking them, and this feels like ranking them, so I'm doing a different answer.

Oh, no, not myself. I can see why that could be a lot of people's answers, but my own brain is one of the last things I trust. See: bipolar.

I trust my dog to give me all the cuddling I could ever want. Even that's something I don't accept from people much of the time (even people I regularly hug or cuddle, I can't handle it from them all the time), but my dog can be right there every second, so clearly I trust her to be physically oh so close. So yeah. My dog.

(Still boggling over how many people I trust with the broken bits. Even beyond what I'm willing to write about, there's this core few who I've cracked right open before, and they just help put me back together. I am incredibly blessed.)

( All 10 Days )

Day 9 - Two things you wish you could do

Have career success without my mental health falling apart, but clearly that wasn't something I could do. I was amazing at it, right up until I wasn't, and now I can't seem to do anything at all. Fuck bipolar, dudes. Fuck it.

Space travel. I want to see the stars, touch the sky and beyond, all the planets, all the worlds. That or have a raptor pack, complete with a Blue of my own.

Today I have drank:

+ 16 ounces of Cloud 9 (A heavenly blend of citrus pieces and strawberries with green Rooibos and decadent tiny marshmallows. This tea will send you over the moon.
Ingredients: Green Rooibos, Apples, Strawberries, Rosehips, Hibiscus, Lemon Peels, and Marshmallow bits.)

+ 8 ounces of 9 Treasures (An amazing blend of green tea, white tea, and green Pu-erh Tuo Cha (Teacakes), with strawberries, pineapple and citrus fruit pieces.)

+ 44 ounces of plain black iced tea

Today is day one of cutting out the diet soda again. I let diet Dr. Pepper back into my list of drinks once in awhile, but it's starting to become a daily thing again, so I am back to cutting it out. Now that I've finished the iced tea, I'm going to fill that cup with ice and water, and drink that this afternoon.

I was going to the gym right after work today, but J. spilled soda on my workout clothes, so now I have to wash them, first, and as tired as I am, I may not go later this evening. I'm still exhausted from a long weekend of work. (Not my main job, for most of it, though I did work here Saturday morning, and then worked all of Saturday night and Sunday morning at an event.)

Also, today is the most depressing day of the year. (I think. Maybe? According to the news via my flist, that is.) However, 22 January can never be depressing for me (well, maybe not never, but you know what I mean) because tomorrow is my brother M.'s birthday and I am usually excited about giving him his gift. Except this year I've already given it to him, because I'm not going to see him. Still, he liked it, so that's good. Anyway, today is not the most depressing day of my year in any year, which is good.

(Another good thing about today meaning that my brother's birthday is tomorrow is that his birthday means mine is just one short week away. Yay, birthdays. I like birthdays, probably too much, which stems back to the time when my family didn't celebrate Christmas and so our birthdays were times of joy and glee, especially with the post-Christmas sales. My sister C. also has a post-Christmas birthday, one month to the day before mine. Of course, there are differences in the years for all three of us. I'm rambling because I'm tired and I want to go home.)

I've now left this up all afternoon, and it's nearly time to go home, so I'll post it now.

Current Mood: cheerful

I think I may have done my

xmmficathon more harm than good by trying to do one final edit this evening. It's also possible editing on medication wasn't the smartest idea in the first place, but that medicine can be so tricky.

"Yes, Carla, go ahead. It's a perfect time to cut five hundred words (almost an entire scene). Of course you wanted to get rid of all that dialogue. Yes, yes, and while you're at it, do try to swallow some crackers, I'm sure your throat will be fine."

So I'm going to have to go back over it in the morning. So it is late for the first deadline. I feel bad. I would feel worse, except I am still a little loopy on the medicine. Plus I'm so stuffed up right now I can't smell Vicks VapoRub. I didn't think it was possible to not smell it.

I am going to bed.

Current Mood: sick

So last night I watched Bones and Justice (well, in between talking on the phone). I have thoughts. Not very coherent thoughts, and it's a little hard to type (okay, it's so cold in here I've put on two shirts. In August. One is short sleeved, of course, but one is long sleeved. [Also, one is red and one is orange, because I like to be strange. The orange sleeves stick out beneath a red shirt.] I am still a little cold), but thoughts.

( Bones )

( Justice )

Yay, television. Now Supernatural needs to start and I'll be happy.

(Today is day 18 without sweets and day 4 without diet soda. I do miss diet Dr. Pepper, but I'm drinking a lot of tea to make up for it, and it's working so far. Eventually I'll get to the point where I can have them once in awhile, but this every day soda thing was keeping me from getting enough water. As for the sweets, I've not had many cravings, and I'm going to go ahead and have a small piece of birthday cake this weekend for the multiple birthdays. [One piece total, not one each.] Special occasions only, and I'm picky about special occasions. For my birthday, I want a variety of dips and spreads, not a cake. That's a few months away still, though.)

(And now, after that food talk, I'm finally hungry, and it is time for lunch. Good timing.)

Current Mood: giddy

Just over an hour until I get to leave. I've only clocked a little overtime, but it's still been a long week. I'm glad tomorrow is Friday; it feels like the end of the week today, and tomorrow may drag because of it.

---

Saturday my youngest sister, K., and I are going to Columbia to see some bands, one local out of St. Louis, one local to Columbia, and two others. I don't recognize any of them, but she put together a mix CD for me, and I'll try to listen to it tonight and tomorrow. I like Columbia, and I think I may suggest we go up earlier (doors open at 6:30) to do a little book shopping and just walk around near campus. I love that area.

---

( health talk )

---

The getting rid of things has slowed. I need to organize the last two bookshelves and then start in purging something other than books. I also need to make more time to write and edit. I also need to find some more freelance work. I also need to practice my bass guitar more.

Current Mood: thirsty

Oh, look, it is Wednesday, television night one, and I finally have the opportunity to read my flist and post. Good times.

Kickboxing did not kick my ass last night, even though I feared it would be worse than ever because I missed last week. There weren't many people in class, so we each had our own bag, and I got a lot of work in. Apparently I continue to have perfect form on my back kicks (HOW? I HAVE NO BALANCE) and I was given good advice on how to improve my jabs and my side kicks. I wish kickboxing was more than once a week.

So it's admin appreciation day (or week or something). They bought me lunch (shrimp and ribs, yummy), and gave me flowers, chocolate, and a giftcard to the local gourmet store, which is wonderful and dangerous all at once. The chocolate I have has Van Gogh engraved on it, as well as pieces in the form of an artist's pallete. Beautiful chocolate, and delicious. (Also, the latter have caramel inside, and chocolate and caramel together is my weakness. Yummy.)

Though there is no way I'll be doing this job for the rest of my life (really, it's mostly because I can't live here for the rest of my life), there are times when I love my job. Being ass deep in scheduling and estimates and disasters to solve is even better than the flowers and chocolates and gift cards. I knew this, but I learn it again all the time these days: I thrive on chaos and problems and fast-paced work. I miss having deadlines and three jobs and full time school. I think I need to look for a second job just so I have something else to do, and so my free time will be more structred (and I'll have less of it).

I love Bones so much. Tonight's show in particular is making me happy, and making me absolutely adore the character of Angela. This has been building for awhile, too, just like my love for the show, but she is amazing and makes me happy. I can't wait to own this show on DVD. It, Supernatural, season two of Lost, and Battlestar Galactica, along with the seasons of Angel I'm missing (everything except one and four), plus Roseanne, more Simpsons, King of the Hill, Family Guy, That 70s Show--I have a lot of tv on dvd to purchase. It's a good thing one of my sister's gets a discount on such things.

I didn't know Bones was based on a real person/novels about and/or by said person--okay, obviously I still don't know much about that part, but I'm intrigued. I want the books.

Oh, man, tonight is Lost's clip show summary thing, isn't it? Boring. I am going to go shower instead. Evenings just aren't long enough (despite what I said earlier about working better when I have less free time). I need to head to bed within the next hour or so, because I want to try to get to the gym in the morning. If I don't, it won't be the end of the world, I'll go after work, because I've been taking more time anyway. However, I would like to do some laps (I was going to go today, but I was too tired), and open swim is only in the mornings, I think. I might go in the morning and after work, because even if I swim, I want to do upper body work tomorrow with the free weights. Good grief, what have I become? Working out twice in one day? Even just thinking about it? Plus hours at a time instead of forty-five minutes? This new me is strange. Of course, I'm not certain where my swimsuit is currently located, I haven't used it since the Florida holiday, and I packed it away after.

Okay, shower done, no swimming in the a.m. because I still have no idea where the suit is located, and I was able to do some editing on Book One, even though I didn't get as far as I wanted.

Current Mood: tired
Current Music: Oingo Boingo - Mary

Kickboxing kickboxed my ass.

I'm ready to crawl into bed. I can't, because I'm trying to finish a book review, but I wish, I wish, I wish. Even BSG isn't enough to make me want to stay awake (though this two part season finale is enough to make me glad I am, though I'd rather be curled up in bed watching it). I actually had to collapse in the locker room after before I could gather my things and head upstairs to leave. I wasn't the only one, though. We had a different instructor tonight and she was tough. Still good, and I had already planned to take off tomorrow from anything serious. I'll be lucky if I can haul glass in the morning; here's hoping there aren't any huge orders being picked up.

New trainers were comfortable even though they need to be broken in just a touch more. New workout clothes are super comfortable, cool, and loose, and they allowed a wide range of movement.

Tonight's kickboxing was a lot more kick and a lot less boxing, to my chagrin. She didn't even run any punches at the bag, just kicks (front, side, crescent, reverse crescent, and jump) which is fun, but I wanted to hit the bag, damn it. It's why I started in the class at all. However, after, in the locker room, someone mentioned there is still a boxing place downtown, so maybe I will check it out after I get back from Wiscon (which will be right after this class ends).

Also, three new dance classes will be offered this summer, including Latin. If it's a partners not required class, I am so there. Otherwise I'll be in hip hop, which I took at university, too, and loved. Plus more kickboxing if they offer it. Plus lifting. Plus something to build my endurance so I don't feel like this after every kickboxing class. I'm strong, but I wouldn't last three rounds in the ring.

Must finish book review, but am exhausted.

Current Mood: exhausted

Oh, man, I need to up my protein intake, I can already tell. Must eat more protein. I don't cook, at all, I hate to do so, which makes this request a little weird, but what are your favorite ways/recipes to get more protein in your diet?

(Okay, I can already tell there will be pervy answers to this. Perverts!)

I crave chicken right now.

Also, I love Lost and Delirious. I'm watching it a second time before I send it back to Netflix, but oh, so much love. I wish

thestalkycop was here to watch this with me, or better yet I wish we were someplace warm, with a pool, and lots of ciggies, and writing discussion and writing. So pretty much the Florida holiday all over again, except I prefer Hawaii and California to Florida, personally.

Current Mood: need protein

Why didn't I know Lemony Snicket's A Series of Unfortunate Events was such a beautiful movie? I've just bumped the books closer to the top of my to buy list; I read the first five or six (maybe even seven or eight) when I worked at the bookstore, and I really enjoyed them, I just never got around to purchasing them.

Oh, Netflix, sometimes I love you.

I'm really behind on fic reading (and writing), so if you've written anything in the past week or so, I'd love a link to it. I'm going to try to get caught up Friday night, but you know how that goes.

I think I'm going to have to change gyms. I go a whole year without hardly any feedback (which isn't a bad thing, I am the Antisocial Woman at the gym), and then in the past three visits, three different workers have told me three different ways to do the squat machine. Today someone started to tell me another and I blew up, told her to go back to the others, come to a consensus, and until then to leave me alone, because if they didn't know how to do it and teach it, how the hell were the rest of us supposed to use the machine properly? (I think I just became the Antisocial Bitch, but you know, I'm paying them money, they should be able to all explain a machine the same way.) (Also, I hate the squat machine, because it is set up to have your arms out in front of you, which is NOT WHERE THEY GO! I really miss squatting freestyle, with the bar behind my head and having to work to keep my balance and all those things.)

This desire to change gyms has been building for a few weeks now, because all year I've missed having an actual full weight room (I have a bench and free weights at home, but I miss a full weight room), better music, actual classes, and, you know, trainers who know what they're doing. Plus I was always conflicted about Curves anyway, because of some of the things the owners support.

My year contract is up this month, so I think I'm switching. Plus I did some research earlier today, and the local health center is actually quite a bit cheaper than Curves (over $100 cheaper if I do a monthly payment and even more than that if I pay for a year's membership all at once). Their classes cost extra, but not a lot extra, and I wouldn't have to do classes. Plus, a pool. And a weight room.

I was going to try to hold off until after Wiscon, because most of my extra money is going into savings for it, which I don't want to touch. However, I don't think I can make it another couple of months. When I've been there longer than everyone who works there, and I've been a member a year, something's wrong.

The rest of the night was pretty good, and now it's time for bed.

Current Mood: frustrated

Ohmygod, another night of insomnia, and tonight was worse than last night. Despite the copious amounts of caffeine in the morning I dragged and dragged and dragged, almost fell asleep before Lost, curled up in my warm bed after with a good book, and then--couldn't fall asleep to save my life. I was awake forever, had a long phone call from J. (in which we bitched about snow, apparently Salt Lake has had some nasty weather, which is a big change for his family, who moved there from Ewa Beach, Hawaii, and needless to say they are ready to move back), finished Stealing Princes (which was funny, but not as good as Pulling Princes), watched episodes of Roseanne on Nick at Night (god, I love Roseanne, I need the DVDs), and then just lay there plotting stories. I finally got about four hours of sleep. I'm exhausted, but I know by the time I get home, I won't be. Again. It makes me want to tear out my hair, which would take a lot of work because I have a ton of long, thick, curly hair. Though it would give me something to do to keep me awake.

I just spilled water on my lap. I was already freezing, this didn't help. (True, it wasn't a lot of water, but enough.) I wonder if anyone would notice if I curled up in the auto bay and took a nap. It's warmer in there, and they have better music.

Current Mood: cold
Current Music: and wet now

I am trying so hard not to wibble about my

yuletide sign-up, because I love all the fandoms I offered to write any in (and I didn't offer any fandom I wouldn't be able to write any in, because the point [for me at least] is to expand my writing while making someone else happy), but everyone is posting these great long thoughts about it and making me nervous.

I have been sick for days and am home ill from work. Right now I'm curled up in bed with my laptop, watching Firefly and talking to

thestalkycop because I couldn't get back to sleep once I got up and tried to get ready for work. Over the weekend, once all the anniversary party things were done, I watched Firefly backward (yeah, I don't know either, and with the exception of "Heart of Gold" because for some reason my DVD player won't play it. Woe!) and now I'm watching it forward.

I think I'm going to write some Firefly one of these days. I have so much squee. Kaylee! Jayne! Mal/Kaylee/Serenity! Wash/Zoe! Zoe, Mal, and Wash pre-marriage, post-war (obviously). Zoe in the snow!

So much potential.

Now I need to write. And try not to move too much. Gah, stupid body.

But first

femslash_santa, a Joss-verse femslash fic exchange for the holidays. Fun times, you should all join!